Remember

I put my sweat pants on
Throw my hair up in a messy bun
dabbed on mascara
put my shoes
and I walked out the door
Cause this wasn't home no more

The day was colder
The rain had begun to fall
i turned my car on turned the music up loud
THat song you'd sing
played on radio
and i cried
As the rain fell outside
Do you remember
when it was me and you
Time was frozen
and the skies were blue
now your nothing
my heart is broken
and i can't see thru the rain
do you remember....
Me and you.
At night as I lay down
With your tshirt hanging down
Cuddled the king sized bed
we used to share
Silence gathered round
tears never seemed to stop falling
WHY CAN'T I SHAKE THIS MEMORY?!
Those kisses i remembered
The nights we spent together
The hope I had in YOU AND ME
Now i stare into the darkness
with the smell of you that lingers
You took away the best part of me!

Do you Remember????
Oh
DO YOU REMEMBER???
OH,
Do you remember
when it was me and you
Time was frozen
and the skies were blue
now your nothing
my heart is broken
and i can't see thru the rain
do you remember....
Me and you.

How can i remember to forget

Ever have those moments when you do something that you truly think that you want to do and in the end you feel like nothing but a piece of ass?

YUP ME TOO! It's crazy to think that time can stand still for a single moment and everything feels perfect and then there's this warning going off in your head telling you that you're a complete idiot.

That seems to be an everyday occurrence for me. I gripe about not being able to keep a relationship...when the one I love is 1200 miles away. The one i want is 2 hours away....and the one i hang with is 5 minutes away. This alone makes me sound like a 'loose' woman but thats not the case.

I've come to realize that my heart is too big. I fall fast and I fall hard because i give all of who i am to the ones that make me feel safe. Love is a very scewed kind of emotion...action... it's something that most people cling to in order to feel something...no wait thats infatuation.

Either way no matter how's it's broken down there are still those moments that make everything feel so good and so real. And yet, I'm the breaker of my own heart. I'm ready to settle down but i'm unsure about bringing a man into my son's life because i'm a packaged deal. If a man treats me poorly how is he gonna treat my son?

And now to the title....How can i remember to forget.

This is actually a song.  I'll post the video soon. However, we as women are overly emotional creatures.  I fight every battle because i want to understand why something is the way it is. If you are mad at me ... please tell me why and explain...don't just clam up and walk away because then i'm gonna press the issue more. health comes down to the fact that not everybody is perfect you want to think that people are perfect and that things can happen the way they're going to happen and we are going to just stop time being who we are but in the end it's a bunch of crap. you have to find who you are in yourself and we don't. I can sit here and I can drink a case of beer and feel great for a moment. But who's to say but after that moment is gone that we are going to feel something more. the song how can I remember to forget is actually from a musical go figure. Its a song about Amanda cheated on her and she's getting ready to get married only in my life I was the one that cheated. I couldn't believe the lies I couldn't believe the mind boggling stopping points. But the love was real. The love is something that doesn't ever go away. You want so much in your life to be that good person and to have those dreams and to make the plans and to have the kids and you... You forget. you forget your own aspirations you forget who you are. And in the end when a bombshell is dropped on you you don't know if he's and whether that attack that explosion. Or if you're going to walk away and stand tall. In the past couple of days there's been some things that have just rocked my world. They have been things that or unexpected, surprising, irritating and definitely heartbreaking.

the point I'm trying to make is that we don't never forget what is wrong with us. We don't never forget the love that we feel. It never goes away. I know my son was made in a moment of love what time of love I guess you could say. Who you are is who you are. my heart is so big and so full of life then I want to share it with everybody. And then return not everybody is ready to share that love with me. I've kind of made a vow to myself to to just be me. I don't care what anybody else is going to think of me. I just want to be the best mother that I can be. I want to be the best friend that I can be. I want to be the best worker that I can be. I want to be the best soldier that I can be. And if people can't handle Who I am then they don't deserve to know me the real me. I've spent too much of my life being there for everybody else and when I need somebody nobody is there. It's time to take that step to be the mom that I choose to be and to raise my son in a manner of which he still has a big heart. And I hope that in the song then I can find a way to forgive those that have broken my heart; to love those that mistreat me...and to still be the strong woman everyone sees. 

How can I remember to forget? Truth is....we never do.