Reflection on Jeremiah 29:11-13

Jeremiah 29:11-13

¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith theLord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

¹² Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.

¹³ And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

Amongst the many things that are going on in the world this is one verse that always strikes a chord. It's one that when i look at people in my life and i see their struggle it makes me heart hurt. It makes me want to pray more often and be more obedient. I know that is one thing that I struggle with. But as things are broken down here's one way to look at it: God has a plan and purpose for your life. 2. He won't give you more than you can handle. There is a reason that you are going through what your going through 4. Seek his face with your heart and you will find him.

1. God has a plan:
This refers to verse 11. There are trials and tribulations that come into our lives. things we can't control. But when we think about it God already knows what we are going to choose even though he gives us a choice. That raises the question of predestination but that is a whole nother topic that we'll cover  later. This reminds me also of putting on the full armor of God. (Ephesians 6:10-18) When we put on the armor of God the only part that isn't covered is our back. And if God has our back and we are prayed up in him than the Devil has no place in our lives though he will try to make it difficult. So the question is: Are you trials and tribulations causing you to walk away from God and let the Devil in?

2. He won't give you more than you can handle:

This one pretty self explanitory. Though we feel like our plates are over flowing sometimes it's just a test for God. It's a test to see how faithful we are. Take Job for example. He was an upstanding man of God. He lost everything. He was tested and tried and still praised God through the storm. No he wasn't perfect. But he still trusted God enough with everything on his plate and in his life to know that God was with him and he got back everything 10 fold. So this question is: Are you praising Him through your storm? Everything happens for a reason:

There is a season for everything. There's a time for everything. We just have to realize what season we are in. Abraham wanted children. Sarah wanted children. But it wasn't the right season. when she gave Abraham her hand maiden in the wrong time Hagar, bore a son. Ishmael. Sarah became mad. But still in her old age God gave her a son, Isaac. Both boys were given a purpose by God. One because Hagar was faithful; and because Abraham and Sarah didn't wait for the right season. But still God granted them a purpose to do what He wanted them to do. They chose to follow God. So no matter what 'bad' happens know that God has a plan.

3. Seek me:
It's simple. It may not always look simple but when we seek God with all our hearts and do his will; call upon his name...he hears our cries. he knows what he wants us to do and we have to choose to obey or not obey. things are much more difficult when we don't obey than when we do. Now when we do things may not be easy.The narrow path isn't always the easy path. But it is the one that is most rewarding to us. Matthew 11:29-30 says:  Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 

²⁹ Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

³⁰ For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

What more do we need? Seek God? or Run from him?

this is more of a devotion for myself. I needed to research and build up my own encouragement in the Lord. There's a journey and road ahead of me and i don't know what lay ahead. But i'm trusting God to do what is necessary in my life to help me to continue to soar. So please ask yourself these questions and reflect on your own life. :) the world is a great big place and we can trust God or perish in flames. your choice. my choice. our choice!

Be blessed

The inner me

Watching the seasons begin to change
The ground is thawing and no longer feels dead
it's like the new beginning to open our eyes
to see the truth of whats inside
I didn't think that I would make it
Standing on my own
but suddenly i feel liberated.
I feel stronger now that i'm alone
I know that may not mean much
but to me it's changed my life
i can do all the things i wanted
without being brought down with strife
My life never really started when i had to watch my back
And though things have been forgotten
I've learned to live my life
I see a whole new world now
filled with many colors
it's a range of all the great things
With a mysterious wonder
I'm not afraid to be hurt anymore
i'm not someones door mat
I'm persevering through the pain
I'm beautiful and philanthropic.
I don't need anyone to tell me who I need to be
I don't need to be isolated because they don't trust themselves with me
I was the other woman; I was the one girls feared
but now i see that my life is better
because now i see clear.
I see the deception around people
I see them for who they are.
I'm not backing down from who i am
Because when i was lost
God was the one i found.
so gently put into simple words
I enjoy being me.
I'm glad i went thru what i had to
to discover the inner me!

2 weeks

It's been a few days since I posted anything. Been here and there. Just haven't had much to write about. So here's what on my head

In just a little while
I'll be leaving here
taking that giant step
in the a world where things are clear
I have no regrets
no need to look back
i'm moving forward
with minimal stress
i thought that i would miss you
but truth is i don't
While i was busy chasing you
i wasn't living myself.
Today is just another day
That i'm blessed enough to breath
but while you've been away
i've found my own release.
The nightmares still come
but are nipped in the bud
I'm standing taller each day
I've found ways to have fun
It took almost 2 years
to truly find myself
But now i have a  Military Family
who supports me and helps me out
This is girl is way to powerful
to stand in the shadows
and now since the truth is know
i'm not the one being shallow.
I've found someone who
likes me for me
though it's a little sad
that i leave in 2 weeks
My head is held up high now
nothing can bring me down
I'm gonna be just fine
Serving the country that i love
I wish you nothing but the best
and i won't shed a tear.
But i'm glad i don't have any more unrest
i won't live in fear
i'm gonna be amazing
this i'm already promised
thank you for showing me what i was missing
All i can do now is Praise Him.
So 2 weeks is the count down
til i'm Oklahoma bound
ready to give my everything
Ready not to fall.
I'll be praying for those i love
and yes you are included in this
but don't come back to me begging
because i'm thru with this.
Be strong and stand alone
remember what you missed.
Cuz there's no way that i'll grace you with my presence.
This is one of the easiest things
i've ever had to do.
Simply saying I care but i don't love you.
Keep your colors true because chameleons tend to change
just know that when your blue
don't call me name.
It's my time to shine now.
I'm moving ahead.
Keep that pretty smile
leave us lay dead.

Admitting we're wrong

Over the last 48 hours my heart has been tugged and pulled and chastised and relieved and filled with doubt. There are so many things that we don't admit that we are doing that is wrong but we feel at the time that we need to do. It's one of those moments when you open your eyes and look around and don't realize that this could change your life. The decisions we make today have reprocussions tomorrow. I've done wrong but by the grace of God i have been forgiven. Yet, it's still the jury and the judge of people that we have to face when we are wrong. That has to be the hardest thing in the world for me right now. There have been some decisions i've made that i knew were wrong but now i'm standing at a the stand waiting for the answer of what is right and what is wrong. I know that I have an alcohol problem. I'm addressing that issue in me. i'm addressing my problem with dishonesty. No, I'm not saying that I lie all the time because i don't. i'm not good with dealing with my emotions and i have gotten to the point where i have to write or read the bible in order to get myself in check. it's a good way to be but still it's a process.

there's a song that I've been listening to it's called Come wake me up by Rascal Flatts
I can usually drink you right off of my mind
But I miss you tonight
I can normally push you right out of my heart
But I'm too tired to fight

Yeah the whole thing begins
And I let you sink into my veins
And I feel the pain like it's new
Everything that we were,
Everything that you said,
Everything that I did and that I couldn't do
Plays through tonight

Tonight your memory burns like a fire
With every one it grows higher and higher
And I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love
I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back
Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming
Come wake me up

Turn the TV up loud just to drown out your voice, but I can't forget
Now I'm all out of ideas and baby I'm down to my last cigarette
Yeah, you're probably asleep deep inside of your dreams while I’m sitting here crying and trying to see
Yeah, wherever you are baby now I am sure you moved on and aren't thinking twice about me
And you tonight

Tonight your memory burns like a fire
With every one it grows higher and higher
I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love
I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back
Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming

I know that you're movin' on
I know I should give you up
But I keep hopin' that you'll trip and fall back in love
Time's not healin' anything
Baby, this pain is worse than it ever was
I know that you can't hear me, but baby I need you to save me tonight

Tonight your memory burns like a fire
With every one it grows higher and higher
I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love
I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back
Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming
Come wake me up
Oh, I'm dreaming
Come wake me up
Oh, I'm dreaming

This song reminds me of everything that I've lost and things that i'm still losing. I'm not looking for a man to just see me as a piece of meat. I want a man that sees me as a woman who is strong yet, fragile. Someone that needs a hand everyone once in a while. Someone that can be strong sometimes but that she can't carry all the weight. I can be a superwoman for a while but than i need someone to be strong for me too. I thought that I lost grip of who I was in the midst of my trials when really i had just given up. I gave up on me. Yes, I am succeeding in some aspects but there are so many things in my heart that are never shown or expressed. I push people away. I sabotage relationships. I run from myself and I run from God. There has to be an end to my struggle and my running. There will always be problems in our lives that we have to take 3 minutes at a time. For me it's been like that since Sept 2012. I've picked up some good worthy qualities but i've also sacrificed myself in lew of what was going on. I wanted to come home and be loved by one man. I wanted to come home and know that I'm worth something. And that hope I had held onto for almost 2 years now seemed to have dwindled away. I admit that I was wrong. I admit that there was nothing good about what I was doing in order to find my way through this life. There isn't one day or one moment in the day that some part of me doesn't wish that i could change things. There were other times when I've been so drunk that it disappeared. is that good no. But it was one way that I had to deal with things hence the problem with the alcohol. i'm better now. I've said some hurtful things to people that I love. i've said things that I regret saying and of course pushed them farther away. I will be great in whatever i do. I will stand in whatever trial is coming now. I can admit it scares me to death but my power comes from a higher power. My power comes from the Lord. And had he not been there in my darkest hour who knows what would have happened. God is so good to me and i truly don't deserve his favor on me...but he's giving it. So when i think about admitting that we are wrong I know that it starts with us. WIth me. With whoever you are fighting within. Because our mind can change things. There's a quote that we use in the military that says " When the body shuts down the mind takes over" Pretty self explanitory. We can make or break our thoughts. we can choose to soar or fall. We can stand or crumble. Our mind is the strongest muscle we have and it can be a positive or a negative. So when you are wrong....Do you admit it and think that we can get away with it? or do we admit that we are wrong and try to bring the positives to the table when we know what the repercussions could be? This day you choose. Just like we can't serve two masters. Will you choose to be positive or Negative?

Making it right

I said what was needed to be said and the nightmares and the hate has disappeared. Praise God. It's funny what going out in the middle of the woods will do for you. Granted my drill is only out towards Marietta,Oh I still feel like theres a deeper connection to life. I wanted to be mad and upset but than i get there....and things suddenly change. I'm not Netty Southern any more. I'm Private Jeanette Southern of the US Army National Guard. Thats a name that I am proud of. Thats somthing that i'm standing up for and I don't have the time or the energy to be hating on people when at some point someone is going to be firing a gun at me and I'll be doing all that I can not only to protect myself but to protect this country. Nothing more will be said about the previous post and you will no longer be able to see it. My thoughts are out in the open and my heart is cleared of all guilt. It may not have been the proper way to do it but i've tried to proper ways. I've tried to hold my tongue...I've even tried to do it in a civil way. I guess my Detroit side tends to show a lot more than i think it does. I feel so much older now...so much more wise. that there are things in life that i still don't understand and with the military i will do all that i can to not compromise my getting in. I don't care what other people think of me. What matters is what I think of me. 23 Days. Thats it. 23 days to try and make amends even if they shouldn't be made but still a time that i know that I need to step up and quit complaining about all that is wrong in my life and focus on whats good. Focus on the positive memories. Focus on the people that love me and the people that i have neglected to tell that they mean something to me. It's time for me to Man up. Put on my big girl panties and do all that I can to make things right.
 John 8:32-33 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

³³ They answered him, We be Abraham's seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free?

This verse has been popping up in my head all week. It's one of those that you can't get out. The truth isn't made to be easy to hear or accept. However, there are times when we need to keep our mouths shut and when we need to speak the truth. This was one of those times for me to tell the truth. Not that I'm a dishonest person but i was looking at my own integrity. I've done so much to be a leader but i've disregarded my own integrity. I want to focus more on what God wants and less on what I want. I know that things are really tough for me right now but in a few precious days i'll be gone for almost 5.5 months. That is where it's really hitting me. It's hitting me for 2 reasons. 1. Because the people that things need to made right with i won't be able to right them
2. Other people will just think that i'm an emotional mess...and I admit sometimes i am. But at the end of the day I have to work out my own Salvation with fear and trembling. I have to stand up and face God for my sins and indiscretions. I have to deal with my punishment on my own. And though i know that Jesus is in my heart that doesn't mean that I'll still make heaven. I believe i will but nothing is promised. Nothing is ever promised!

So I'm starting with me. I'm gonna finish getting right than i'll go to those that i need to or I'll write to those that I need to write to and begin to make amends the christian way!

Be blessed ya'll

Bottling it up

Over the past few months things have gone a little haywire for me. I've been up and down emotionally. I've hit rock bottom. I've spent more nights drunk that i think i did sober. However i'm learning that with me bottling up all thats on my head and on my heart i'm more liable to hurt myself by drinking that I am if i'm talking about whats going on. With that, comes a lot of revealing. It comes a lot of pain and a lot of hurt. What i've just written is just the tip of the iceberg. I've lied for this person. I've held my tongue. I've even had my friends telling this person whats going on in my life. Well if ya'll really want to know this is going to throw you all for a loop. I'm not bottling it up anymore. I'm not gonna be that girl that cant control her emotions. I have bigger and better things to do than to just sit in the shadows and watch my p's and q's because it's affecting their life. THIS IS MY LIFE. I WILL LIVE IT AS I SEE FIT. and if someone doesn't like that than delete me and don't read my blog. I'm getting my life together and I will do it in a way that i know hasn't failed me. I will write and write til the cows come home. I will stand up for my own integrity. I will continue to soar on the wings of eagles and I pray that you don't try to stop me. Don't tell me i'm wrong for what i feel. I've bottled it up for way to long and I will not let this anger; hurt; hate; disgust....consume me. I will survive; I will thrive; And you better get out of the way because this girl is truly on Fire!





Simple

You think that it's so simple

to kindly hold my tongue

when deep down inside me

i want to show the world 

that you are scum.

you thought that my lying

would keep you from all harm

well deep down inside of me

i'm setting off the alarms

we want to see this person

that is always in the right

that sees the good in everyone

that won't put up a fight

when truly all we see is the

shade you are today

you change your colors like a chameleon

to whomever you are with that day

you tell people what they want to hear

you build them up

you make them tell you all their fears

you help them out of their ruts

but deep down it's just ammo

that you can arm yourself with

Something that you'll hold on to

until you have the time to us it

How many nights did we spend together

with you telling me what i want to hear

the nights right after ya'll got together

yeah, you were with me thent oo

but i forget that you don't remember 

and that we had cut it off. 

now i remember october; november and december

when you couldn't get enough. 

But then came January 

when you said it was thru

but remember it's not a race thing

but the white way just aint for you

You wanted me to communicate 

and i've finally found the words

but don't worry its only my thoughts

there's nothing that can change my world.

You are nothing but a scum bag

who got exactly what you wanted

but i have nothing to lose now

so just shut up and deal with it.

Remember you can't turn no whore into a house wife.

but better be happy a whore than to be the dish rag

that i became to you.

I thought you said you loved me

til death do us part.

well you can keep the death part because i don't want you

you've continually broken my heart

i'm on to bigger and better things now

don't be boo hooing for me when i'm gone

you missed your chance 

for me to stay or to even hang on

In the Shadows

I walk around this town
with my head held high
not thinking of the consequences
that may or may not arise
it's been a long time
since we've been apart
but still i hear the whispers
of how i'm breaking your heart

In the shadows
i have stayed
out of the view of the sun
to keep my own integrity
to stand in where i can run
When will my life start
when will what i say not matter
how much longer
do i have to live in your shadow

days turn into weeks
where i've cried myself to sleep
months has come to a year
when we just don't speak
i hold my tounge so much
but i'm still the bad guy
to think we fought just last month
and you made me cry
I disapear from sight
and people start to worry
that maybe i've moved away
maybe i'm somewhere not living
but even those remarks catch your ear
and sadly enough to your eyes
i'm still here

Youve moved on
found a way
found a girl to take my place
yet, every time something goes wrong
im the one to blame even when i'm not around...


In the shadows
i have stayed
out of the view of the sun
to keep my own integrity
to stand in where i can run
When will my life start
when will what i say not matter
how much longer
do i have to live in your shadow

conquering our anger

It's funny how anger can change your whole mood. Change what good things happened...what people you saw...what people you may have helped. it changes. I spent a good 2 hours this evening being completely mad. Mad about something that God helped me with. Mad that the outcome wasn't want i expected it to be. Mad that i got told that i was wrong when i knew that it wasn't about me being wrong. So i cussed up a storm. I said " i hate you" to someone when really i was just trying to let them know that  i was just about as frustrated with the things that they were. Than i sat down and talked to my neighbor. We talked things out and he reminded me that sometimes things don't always go the way that we plan them to go. That we want things now and sometimes we have to wait. but that when God gives us the words and says that we need to speak that we need to speak. I can't apologize for that. I won't. I asked for the words and God gave them to . now whether or not the person hearing those words was effected obviously they were. There are things greater in this world than to focus one what little tiny thing happened that made us angry. I'll be yelled at; degraded; torn down and punished in boot camp. BUt this one little thing pushed me to my breaking point. Well thats it. if i can't handle this tiny little thing that i can't handle anything that is so much bigger. So i pray that the Lord give me strength because i'm gonna need it. And i pray that my anger be gone. 

Remember me this way

Watching the snow come down
my mind is in a fog
there are so many people that I love
it makes me sing songs
I wonder every day
what it would be like
if someone had forgetting
who i am in my life
I want to be remembered
as a good friend to all
even if your my enemy
you know i'd take your fall
i've broken many hearts
and i've lied to many too
i've been stuck down in the dumps
and truly come unglued
but i'm finding in my heart
that i won't be forgotten
even if it means i'm just out of sight
i know that time will heal my lot
That God will make me bright
But i pray that you don't forget
don't forget who i am
don't remember the hurt i placed on you
don't remember where i've been
I can't change my yesterdays
but i'm keeping faith today
my tomorrows are never promised
but just remember me this way.