Bottling it up

Over the past few months things have gone a little haywire for me. I've been up and down emotionally. I've hit rock bottom. I've spent more nights drunk that i think i did sober. However i'm learning that with me bottling up all thats on my head and on my heart i'm more liable to hurt myself by drinking that I am if i'm talking about whats going on. With that, comes a lot of revealing. It comes a lot of pain and a lot of hurt. What i've just written is just the tip of the iceberg. I've lied for this person. I've held my tongue. I've even had my friends telling this person whats going on in my life. Well if ya'll really want to know this is going to throw you all for a loop. I'm not bottling it up anymore. I'm not gonna be that girl that cant control her emotions. I have bigger and better things to do than to just sit in the shadows and watch my p's and q's because it's affecting their life. THIS IS MY LIFE. I WILL LIVE IT AS I SEE FIT. and if someone doesn't like that than delete me and don't read my blog. I'm getting my life together and I will do it in a way that i know hasn't failed me. I will write and write til the cows come home. I will stand up for my own integrity. I will continue to soar on the wings of eagles and I pray that you don't try to stop me. Don't tell me i'm wrong for what i feel. I've bottled it up for way to long and I will not let this anger; hurt; hate; disgust....consume me. I will survive; I will thrive; And you better get out of the way because this girl is truly on Fire!





Simple

You think that it's so simple

to kindly hold my tongue

when deep down inside me

i want to show the world 

that you are scum.

you thought that my lying

would keep you from all harm

well deep down inside of me

i'm setting off the alarms

we want to see this person

that is always in the right

that sees the good in everyone

that won't put up a fight

when truly all we see is the

shade you are today

you change your colors like a chameleon

to whomever you are with that day

you tell people what they want to hear

you build them up

you make them tell you all their fears

you help them out of their ruts

but deep down it's just ammo

that you can arm yourself with

Something that you'll hold on to

until you have the time to us it

How many nights did we spend together

with you telling me what i want to hear

the nights right after ya'll got together

yeah, you were with me thent oo

but i forget that you don't remember 

and that we had cut it off. 

now i remember october; november and december

when you couldn't get enough. 

But then came January 

when you said it was thru

but remember it's not a race thing

but the white way just aint for you

You wanted me to communicate 

and i've finally found the words

but don't worry its only my thoughts

there's nothing that can change my world.

You are nothing but a scum bag

who got exactly what you wanted

but i have nothing to lose now

so just shut up and deal with it.

Remember you can't turn no whore into a house wife.

but better be happy a whore than to be the dish rag

that i became to you.

I thought you said you loved me

til death do us part.

well you can keep the death part because i don't want you

you've continually broken my heart

i'm on to bigger and better things now

don't be boo hooing for me when i'm gone

you missed your chance 

for me to stay or to even hang on