Making it right

I said what was needed to be said and the nightmares and the hate has disappeared. Praise God. It's funny what going out in the middle of the woods will do for you. Granted my drill is only out towards Marietta,Oh I still feel like theres a deeper connection to life. I wanted to be mad and upset but than i get there....and things suddenly change. I'm not Netty Southern any more. I'm Private Jeanette Southern of the US Army National Guard. Thats a name that I am proud of. Thats somthing that i'm standing up for and I don't have the time or the energy to be hating on people when at some point someone is going to be firing a gun at me and I'll be doing all that I can not only to protect myself but to protect this country. Nothing more will be said about the previous post and you will no longer be able to see it. My thoughts are out in the open and my heart is cleared of all guilt. It may not have been the proper way to do it but i've tried to proper ways. I've tried to hold my tongue...I've even tried to do it in a civil way. I guess my Detroit side tends to show a lot more than i think it does. I feel so much older now...so much more wise. that there are things in life that i still don't understand and with the military i will do all that i can to not compromise my getting in. I don't care what other people think of me. What matters is what I think of me. 23 Days. Thats it. 23 days to try and make amends even if they shouldn't be made but still a time that i know that I need to step up and quit complaining about all that is wrong in my life and focus on whats good. Focus on the positive memories. Focus on the people that love me and the people that i have neglected to tell that they mean something to me. It's time for me to Man up. Put on my big girl panties and do all that I can to make things right.
 John 8:32-33 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

³³ They answered him, We be Abraham's seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free?

This verse has been popping up in my head all week. It's one of those that you can't get out. The truth isn't made to be easy to hear or accept. However, there are times when we need to keep our mouths shut and when we need to speak the truth. This was one of those times for me to tell the truth. Not that I'm a dishonest person but i was looking at my own integrity. I've done so much to be a leader but i've disregarded my own integrity. I want to focus more on what God wants and less on what I want. I know that things are really tough for me right now but in a few precious days i'll be gone for almost 5.5 months. That is where it's really hitting me. It's hitting me for 2 reasons. 1. Because the people that things need to made right with i won't be able to right them
2. Other people will just think that i'm an emotional mess...and I admit sometimes i am. But at the end of the day I have to work out my own Salvation with fear and trembling. I have to stand up and face God for my sins and indiscretions. I have to deal with my punishment on my own. And though i know that Jesus is in my heart that doesn't mean that I'll still make heaven. I believe i will but nothing is promised. Nothing is ever promised!

So I'm starting with me. I'm gonna finish getting right than i'll go to those that i need to or I'll write to those that I need to write to and begin to make amends the christian way!

Be blessed ya'll