It's been a little over 2 years since I've taken the time to stop and write. It's not been easy not getting things off my chest. I'm the Queen of self medication ie: alcohol....
The world around me keeps changing and I feel like I'm on this rollercoaster that is out of control. I can talk about taking my life back...But I never take my own advice. I'm clinical terms I guess I'm manic depressive or some form of having bipolar disorder. Some days are great....others not so great. I've lost many friends and realized I'm not sure I know what loving someone truly is. I know the signs, feelings...actions. And yet, I still walk around shattered. The question becomes : how many people do you have to come in contact with just to love ourselves first? And the answer is none. We don't need people to gratify the fact that we need love. No one wants to be alone. No one wants to feel out of place and as time moves forward we are just that. Alone. I can't remember a time until recently when I truly cared about someone...Told them I loved them and then blew up on them for not reciprocating the same feelings. The world keeps turning and I keep destroying myself because I'm searching for someone to love the mess I am. I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of crying and feeling useless. I'm tired of being in so much pain that my heart can't heal. But here's the kocker...that doesn't start from loving someone else....it starts from loving yourself. And possibly finding the right medication...hehe baby steps.
As for now, I'm signing off.
Be strong. Be courageous. And don't forget YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
Much Love
Netty
The world around me keeps changing and I feel like I'm on this rollercoaster that is out of control. I can talk about taking my life back...But I never take my own advice. I'm clinical terms I guess I'm manic depressive or some form of having bipolar disorder. Some days are great....others not so great. I've lost many friends and realized I'm not sure I know what loving someone truly is. I know the signs, feelings...actions. And yet, I still walk around shattered. The question becomes : how many people do you have to come in contact with just to love ourselves first? And the answer is none. We don't need people to gratify the fact that we need love. No one wants to be alone. No one wants to feel out of place and as time moves forward we are just that. Alone. I can't remember a time until recently when I truly cared about someone...Told them I loved them and then blew up on them for not reciprocating the same feelings. The world keeps turning and I keep destroying myself because I'm searching for someone to love the mess I am. I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of crying and feeling useless. I'm tired of being in so much pain that my heart can't heal. But here's the kocker...that doesn't start from loving someone else....it starts from loving yourself. And possibly finding the right medication...hehe baby steps.
As for now, I'm signing off.
Be strong. Be courageous. And don't forget YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
Much Love
Netty
