Tuesday, September 11, 2012

A walk down memory lane

Today I took a drive down to the area where i met my ex husband. Just kinda needed to go through and remember...Not all the bad stuff because every place there was some kind of bad memory. And the more i want to admit that maybe we shouldn't have gotten married in the first place; there's no point in holding onto what wasn't ever there.  There were so many good times yet, as time goes on the good times didn't outweigh the bad. In fact i just didn't want to see the bad. I don't believe in focusing on the bad because if we do then we would all be going to hell. This time around it's one of those what happened and what could hav ebeen prevented and what changes could have happened. Everyday whenever i look at the photos that are in our life it's like i don't exist. That person is dead and gone and now i'm back to picking up the pieces to my life. I believe that God has a plan for me. I am not sure what it is but there are times when i can't even sleep because of all the drama that is in my life.
Phillipians 4:13 States: I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.
Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the thoughts that i think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you an expected end.

these are just a few of the things that i tell myself daily so that i can get through the day. I may not have the best attitude. I may not have the best faith. But i know in my heart that this too shall pass. This is one of those times when i feel like i'm running from God. Not because i have to but because it's the easiest way for me to deal with whats going on inside my head. I've run for so long that i need to stop running. Thats a whole lot easier said than it is done. I know that i need to just stop and make a trip to an altar but whether or not i'm gonna man/ woman up and do it thats a whole nother level of emotions that I'm trying to stay out of tune with.

After the events of today have played out: I need counselling. I need good christian friends. And I need to let Jesus back into my heart.

I'm ready.

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