I'm finding it hard to face reality today. Time and time again, I'm coming up short. Its almost like my heart is beating in slow.motion. My mind is moving faster than my body and i can't get a grip on my emotions. It's like when you love someone you'll risk and do anything for them...but at the same time your still selective on what memories you keep and what ones you disreguard. I sit at home and just gaze out into the  yard and hear my children laughin. Their father making a fire in the back yard making smores. I see my home destroyed by the pain that i helped put in it.
In the span of three weeks or less, i will be picking up my life and packing it away. I'll be back to shutting the door on my love for him. No matter how long it will take i will eventually hopefully be able to be loved and be happy. Right now, I'm just trying to make due, trust God.
I know that he is with me and he will keep me strong.  Now I'm just gonna keep believing he'll take care of me.