Psalm 121

Psalm 121

King James Version (KJV)

121 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

² My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
³ He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
⁴ Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
⁵ The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.
⁶ The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
⁷ The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
⁸ The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

I woke up this morning and the sun is shining. For that I am thankful. Unfortunately my anxiety has me all out of sorts. It's like my heart isn't beating for me. I'm not sure what that means but my chest hurts and its like my breath is caught short. I don't know if that means my heart is beating for someone else or what it means. I know that music is flowing from every pore of my body and all I want to do is sing. I want to be able to stand up and praise God through all that is going on my life and I am. I make mistakes daily. I fall on my face often...but i'm learning how to flap my wings and fly. I know that I will soar. Part of me wishes that I had someone to fly with mean and to help teach me. But at the same time i'm glad that I have to learn how to fly solo. Because once i learn how to fly solo...than and only then can i truly fly with someone else. Then again, I'm not ready to let that person in anyway so it's better that I keep flying solo until i can truly appreciate and love the person the way they need to be loved. Not saying that it's easy but saying that i'm wanting to be able to give atleast 90 % of my everything to someone. Though i do feel that they will be shorted because I gave 100% and i watched my world fall apart. 

the verses above are the reassurance i need. It helps me to have my hope restored and to keep the faith. I fall everyday. I'm not perfect. I never want to be perfect. But i am willing to fight for what i want; endure the pains of today; remember the hurts of yesterday; and have faith in what God has planned for me today.