Psalm 138: 3- In the day when I cried thou answeredst me, and strengthenedst me with strength in my soul.
Even though i spent the weekend with my friend Becca and her amazing family...it's still hard being home. I'm trying to get all the things done that need to be done before I go to work and I'm trying to turn around in my life to see things from a different point of view. I think about things and my whole body starts to shake and I just want to curl up into a ball and forget that it was a part of my life. everything now is strictly business. Love is an addiction. It's one that can change at the drop of a hat. It makes me glad to know that I'm alive but on the other had it also lets me know what real pain is. Truly I'd rather go get tattoos on the most painful parts of my body rather than to know that my heart is still broken. Yes, I'm making strides in healing but even with those strides i'm still burdened with the brokenness i feel deep within myself. It's a pain i wouldn't want anyone to go through and not something that i'd like to repeat. So as for my brokenness today here's what I wrote:
I drove by the house today
to catch a glimpse of what was.
I did want to stop and say hey
but i couldn't find the guts
I'm trying to move away from you
to get on with my life
but still i feel this constant pull
to want to still be your wife
We say things all the time that
we never mean to say
we push and pull at each others heart
we make sure the other pays
My life has been ripped apart
my hearts on the floor.
i couldn't imagine what you felt
when i walked out the door
I'm sorry our friends are picking sides
on who they should talk to
i never wanted them to make that choice
they shouldn't have had to
when alls said and done
saying i'm sorry isn't enough
it doesn't keep the pain at bay
even when we're tough
your moving on just wonderfully
and i'm stuck in the well
i feel like death has come swiftly
and this sorrows to deep to be felt
I'll avoid saying I love you
because they are just words
but driving past the house reminded me
the fails that have occured
I hope that you can trust me again
and know i died that day
i'll love you til death do us part
cause no one will take your place.
the tears streak down my face now
i'm on my way home
I'm sorry that i let you down
but at this point...
your gone.
Even though i spent the weekend with my friend Becca and her amazing family...it's still hard being home. I'm trying to get all the things done that need to be done before I go to work and I'm trying to turn around in my life to see things from a different point of view. I think about things and my whole body starts to shake and I just want to curl up into a ball and forget that it was a part of my life. everything now is strictly business. Love is an addiction. It's one that can change at the drop of a hat. It makes me glad to know that I'm alive but on the other had it also lets me know what real pain is. Truly I'd rather go get tattoos on the most painful parts of my body rather than to know that my heart is still broken. Yes, I'm making strides in healing but even with those strides i'm still burdened with the brokenness i feel deep within myself. It's a pain i wouldn't want anyone to go through and not something that i'd like to repeat. So as for my brokenness today here's what I wrote:
I drove by the house today
to catch a glimpse of what was.
I did want to stop and say hey
but i couldn't find the guts
I'm trying to move away from you
to get on with my life
but still i feel this constant pull
to want to still be your wife
We say things all the time that
we never mean to say
we push and pull at each others heart
we make sure the other pays
My life has been ripped apart
my hearts on the floor.
i couldn't imagine what you felt
when i walked out the door
I'm sorry our friends are picking sides
on who they should talk to
i never wanted them to make that choice
they shouldn't have had to
when alls said and done
saying i'm sorry isn't enough
it doesn't keep the pain at bay
even when we're tough
your moving on just wonderfully
and i'm stuck in the well
i feel like death has come swiftly
and this sorrows to deep to be felt
I'll avoid saying I love you
because they are just words
but driving past the house reminded me
the fails that have occured
I hope that you can trust me again
and know i died that day
i'll love you til death do us part
cause no one will take your place.
the tears streak down my face now
i'm on my way home
I'm sorry that i let you down
but at this point...
your gone.
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