Dreams Dreams 9/9/2007
the smell of you dwells on my pillow
I breathe in the smell and sigh silently to myself
Dreams dreams they come and go but reality stays a dream when the heart is pure.
Quietly I wait for that velvet touch of you to run down my arm
slowly followed by a kiss on the nape of my neck
chills ripple down my spine as goosebumps dance across my skin.
I close my eyes lavishing the moment that we are sharing.
Not one word is spoken
not a sound is made,
not a sound is muttered
In the gentle whisper you can hear our hearts being in sync
That's the only noise made is our beating hearts
abruptly the moment is gone
when the air conditioner kicks on
Still though, your smell lingers on the pillow
This is reality
this is your dream
Thank the Lord that sleep is the only way to enhance this moment
dreams dreams they come and go but reality stays a dream when the heart is pure.
I'm falling in love with the dream we've created
and only time will tell if God is in this
I spend my time wondering what your thinking
Why you love?
Why you take time to be with me
and I realize that..
I'm falling and i'm in love
with the dream of you and me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found this poem the other day when I was going thru stuff before i took off for New York. I didn't realize when it was written or how deep it really was. It just gives me hope that some day i will be able to overcome this heartache i feel and i'll be able to be captured by someone elses heart. I'm not saying it's something that I'm looking for because i don't know if right now would be the time to sweep me off my feet...however it gives me hope that maybe just maybe i'll be able to be strong enough on my own to let someone into my heart. I don't want to say that I'm going to be picky...but i'm going to have to be. I want to be able to give 100% of my heart to someone. It may take another year...it may take 5 years. it could be something that I wait for for the rest of my life. Either way; I know that I gave my heart away 100% to someone and I never got it back. It's been a year and a half since things hit the fan and it's been just over 6 months since my divorce was finalized. Hope is not something that I wanted to have. But there is inspiration all around. It breathes and it moves and it changes. Love is something that can't be described. It's a feeling and an action it's an adjective ...it's a nonstop evolving thing. And really it's not even a thing. love is best shown in action by doing what you want to do. I know what love isn't. I know how to show that I don't love people. But I also know that my heart is broken enough and shattered enough to know that the broken pieces are something beautiful. And that by the grace of God and if I can change the way I think I can feel something again. It's not about doing better. It's not about what they bring to the table. I'd rather be poor and in love than to have all the money in the world and be in lust. I know that I can count on one had how many men I've loved. loved so deeply that they have helped mend and fix my broken pieces. Although anymore i feel bad if i make comparisons to people.No one deserves to be compared to anyone. Period. It's not fair to them. I've learned that love is letting go...love isn't being a booty call when they have a gf...love isn't texting everyday because you miss them...love is taking your own shattered heart and sometimes we muddle through...but love is being happy for them. Love is lifting them up in prayer. Love is still being there whenever they need you even though there may not be any hope for reconciliation. Love is growing on your own and finding your way into your own heart so you can start healing yourself. I'm sure that most of you are thinking that this is putting someone one blast. It's not. It's coming to the realization that nobody is perfect. and the moment that you try to change them you lose sight of what you liked/loved about them in the first place. I personally don't want to be perfect because i'm a hot mess. :) I like being me. I like being the crazy obnoxious city girl who fell in love with the country. I like taking the time to smell the wild flowers and playing in the mud. I like being able to out spit any man i know. (and out burp) I like being who God created me to be. I don't want to blame anyone for the mistakes of my past because in reality i made a choice. And those choices have shaped me into the woman that I have become. And if someone wants to tell me that I'm wrong well I've made peace with God about it. I'm over the problems. If you have a problem maybe you need to look inside your own heart to realize that we all have flaws. We all have short comings. and when we tale the time to open our eyes to our own mistakes and stop making excuses to why someone did something...we'd all be happier with who we are.I know, because when I stopped blaming my ex-husband for the actions i took;it opened my eyes to the good things about him. And inadvertently made me fall in love with him all over again. But it was different. It was true love that i feel in my heart. It was the mushy stuff but it was so much more. So if there are problems in a relationship ..look at yourself first. Before you jump off the barge. Look in the mirror and look and your own shortcomings and if you don't like what you see...you have the power to change it. I believe Ghandi said it best "You have to be the CHANGE you want SEE in the WORLD!"
the smell of you dwells on my pillow
I breathe in the smell and sigh silently to myself
Dreams dreams they come and go but reality stays a dream when the heart is pure.
Quietly I wait for that velvet touch of you to run down my arm
slowly followed by a kiss on the nape of my neck
chills ripple down my spine as goosebumps dance across my skin.
I close my eyes lavishing the moment that we are sharing.
Not one word is spoken
not a sound is made,
not a sound is muttered
In the gentle whisper you can hear our hearts being in sync
That's the only noise made is our beating hearts
abruptly the moment is gone
when the air conditioner kicks on
Still though, your smell lingers on the pillow
This is reality
this is your dream
Thank the Lord that sleep is the only way to enhance this moment
dreams dreams they come and go but reality stays a dream when the heart is pure.
I'm falling in love with the dream we've created
and only time will tell if God is in this
I spend my time wondering what your thinking
Why you love?
Why you take time to be with me
and I realize that..
I'm falling and i'm in love
with the dream of you and me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found this poem the other day when I was going thru stuff before i took off for New York. I didn't realize when it was written or how deep it really was. It just gives me hope that some day i will be able to overcome this heartache i feel and i'll be able to be captured by someone elses heart. I'm not saying it's something that I'm looking for because i don't know if right now would be the time to sweep me off my feet...however it gives me hope that maybe just maybe i'll be able to be strong enough on my own to let someone into my heart. I don't want to say that I'm going to be picky...but i'm going to have to be. I want to be able to give 100% of my heart to someone. It may take another year...it may take 5 years. it could be something that I wait for for the rest of my life. Either way; I know that I gave my heart away 100% to someone and I never got it back. It's been a year and a half since things hit the fan and it's been just over 6 months since my divorce was finalized. Hope is not something that I wanted to have. But there is inspiration all around. It breathes and it moves and it changes. Love is something that can't be described. It's a feeling and an action it's an adjective ...it's a nonstop evolving thing. And really it's not even a thing. love is best shown in action by doing what you want to do. I know what love isn't. I know how to show that I don't love people. But I also know that my heart is broken enough and shattered enough to know that the broken pieces are something beautiful. And that by the grace of God and if I can change the way I think I can feel something again. It's not about doing better. It's not about what they bring to the table. I'd rather be poor and in love than to have all the money in the world and be in lust. I know that I can count on one had how many men I've loved. loved so deeply that they have helped mend and fix my broken pieces. Although anymore i feel bad if i make comparisons to people.No one deserves to be compared to anyone. Period. It's not fair to them. I've learned that love is letting go...love isn't being a booty call when they have a gf...love isn't texting everyday because you miss them...love is taking your own shattered heart and sometimes we muddle through...but love is being happy for them. Love is lifting them up in prayer. Love is still being there whenever they need you even though there may not be any hope for reconciliation. Love is growing on your own and finding your way into your own heart so you can start healing yourself. I'm sure that most of you are thinking that this is putting someone one blast. It's not. It's coming to the realization that nobody is perfect. and the moment that you try to change them you lose sight of what you liked/loved about them in the first place. I personally don't want to be perfect because i'm a hot mess. :) I like being me. I like being the crazy obnoxious city girl who fell in love with the country. I like taking the time to smell the wild flowers and playing in the mud. I like being able to out spit any man i know. (and out burp) I like being who God created me to be. I don't want to blame anyone for the mistakes of my past because in reality i made a choice. And those choices have shaped me into the woman that I have become. And if someone wants to tell me that I'm wrong well I've made peace with God about it. I'm over the problems. If you have a problem maybe you need to look inside your own heart to realize that we all have flaws. We all have short comings. and when we tale the time to open our eyes to our own mistakes and stop making excuses to why someone did something...we'd all be happier with who we are.I know, because when I stopped blaming my ex-husband for the actions i took;it opened my eyes to the good things about him. And inadvertently made me fall in love with him all over again. But it was different. It was true love that i feel in my heart. It was the mushy stuff but it was so much more. So if there are problems in a relationship ..look at yourself first. Before you jump off the barge. Look in the mirror and look and your own shortcomings and if you don't like what you see...you have the power to change it. I believe Ghandi said it best "You have to be the CHANGE you want SEE in the WORLD!"
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