Over the last several days i have come to realize that there are so many wonderful things about my life that i've completely taken for granted. I am so blessed to have such amazing people in my life. The book of Ecclesiastes gives me hope:
3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
This is a new season. It's a new way to look around and see the world thru God's eyes. It's a way to open up and possibly love again. Though i admit i may never love 100 % again because i gave my 100 % and failed miserably at it. My actions came with a cost and with that cost i lost everything. But now is not the time to focus on the negative in my life...it's not the time to welcome the new season and the new things that God has in store for me. It's the time to say Thank you to those who have helped me along the way and goodbye to those that aren't necessary. It seems to be to kind of be a time of solitude but even so...I'm still learning. I'm learning to make better decisions. I'm learning how to stand on my own. Im learning what i need and what i don't need within my life. And though i've vowed to myself not to sleep with another man until i am married again...that thought is still difficult to swallow. I want to be the best that i can in the Lord and in doing so I am abstaining from the appearance of sin. I am not perfect but I am a work in progress. He is the potter and I am the clay and He is ever molding me into what he wants me to be. And for this i am thankful. As man chooses when he/she wants to give up on us; God is always there. He omnipresent. the beginning and the end. He is my alpha and omega! And to this I owe him my life.
Theres a play that i love a whole lot. It's called Jekyll and Hyde. There are songs in it that talk about the evil that everyone has within us. There are contradictions in it though. If God made everything and said it was good than how can we be evil? Theres a song called once upon a dream...and it kind of reflects parts of my life. When I was/am head over heels in love and we see more the good in people ( which we should) than to see their flaws. It's one of those melancholy songs that just makes you wonder what truly happens when we fall in love and how that love is going to last if we only focus on us. The bible says that a man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife...marriage is a never ending fight. A fight that i feel i was too young to fight for. Don't get me wrong I've learned many valuable lessons on how to be a wife and how to trust God...but in the end I wasn't willing to fight. I got scared and ran away. Now all i have is a few picture memories from the love that I shared with someone. Though many people think that he is an awful person but he did what he believed was right and was biblical. I can't be mad at that. He is a good man. And I pray that he can find the sunshine through the rain...and the light at the end of the tunnel. I am so blessed to say that he was in my life for the last 5 years. They were hard at times but i know now that even through our pain we were blessed. And i would appreciate if anyone who reads this has anything bad to say about him; and i find out you will answer to me. No threats just honesty. I want to world to know that just because i messed up and he made a decision that doesn't make him a bad person. IF thats the case than he who has no sin cast the first stone. Judge and be judged.
As for now, God is my Jehovah Jireh ( My provider) And i will stand and be under his shadow as long as i keep walking upright and trusting him. He will be there for me.
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