6 years and counting: the recollection of it all

I sat here for a long time and tried to weigh out the goods and bads for the last year. Honestly, there are so many things that i'd like to express but i just don't know how to. I don't know how to form the words to make it known what is going on inside. As of today, Jan 1 2013, I have been in WV for 6 years. the first year was  a year of new experiences . And thats when i met the man i knew from the moment he acted a fool that I was suppose to grow old with. But things have changed. I've been divorced now almost 8 months and it still seems a little surreal to me that it's actually happened. Its crazy to think that now that I'm single and down 95 lbs that people notice me. How sad? It's sad that when you are heavier but still a good person people don't see you. But i guess thats what I loved about my ex husband. He saw me when I couldn't even see myself. yes, there were some bad times but overall we had a good solid relationship. So now, 6 years into WV, I leave for Boot Camp in March. I live on my own and work like a dog. Which i know i will for the rest of my life but this year it's just been stepping up and taking a chance on things that i would normally never do. It's about trying out new things and finding a way to fill a void that truly only God can fill. My mom brought me a painting that my Bupa did. IT's just a picture of an old mill. And everyday i look at it and Thank God that i was blessed with such amazing Grandparents. My Nana the last time I saw her told me...you guys are meant to be together. But you have to keep God first and wait out this storm. Guess that didn't go to plan because a month after I got divorced she passed away. The biggest honor i could have ever done was to sing at her Funeral. And I sang. With all that I had because i didn't get a chance to sing for her before i moved back to WV. I know that shes up there watching over me. I know it I can feel her all around me just like the holy spirit. Shes my guardian angel.
So this year i'm going to do my best to push myself more than ever. TO love deeper, Sing more often, To dance like no one is watching and to just live. Too many times we don't truly live unless in the face of danger. Well I can't change my yesterdays. and I can't predict the future....So I'm going to live today as if i can die tomorrow.