The weirdest feeling in the world was when i got the phone call for work this morning. I just walked into the gym. So i ran half mile in 4 minutes. Thats not bad. Wasn't winded or anything. Grabbed my clothes and walked out the door. I would have thought that my mind wouldnt play tricks on me because the night before i had just got on my knees and prayed to God. Prayed for guidance, patience, courage and strength. I prayed for the one i love who i walked away from. Prayed that i made the right decision and that if it be Gods will to fix what hope in me thats died. So as I'm racing home to change clothes for church. There he goes...driving ahead of me. My heart stopped. My hands got sweaty my stomach was filled with butterflies. And i didn't even talk to him. I just glanced at him as i passed him. I never asked God to bring him around. I never asked for a sign. But it was comfirmation to my prayer. Then in church it was talking about building a home. And the message was about everything i needed to hear.
To the girl....
When i needed a friend you were there. Standing by me pretending to be my friend. And suddenly you've become this person who's heart i never thought could be so ugly. I may not like you and you may say nasty ugly things about me and I've done the same about you. I'm sorry. I was wrong for playing that high school game. I forgive you...and one day i hope you can forgive me.
To the one i love:
I am so sorry that i wanted you to be as miserable as i was. I was greedy and selfish. Everything that i did wrong in our relationship i cant take back. I cant change what hurt you are trying to overcome. I want you to be happy even if that means without me. But please...let me go. If you truly don't want to be with me than give me your blessing so i could maybe one day love another. We will never be as we were. One flesh we will always be in our souls. You will always be my husband and my true love that i took for granted. Know that i will always carry you on my heart. Just like my 5 leaf clover. I know what the deal is pickle...I hope one day we will be friends. And we can look past the hurt and to what we have in front of us. Two hard headed people who are meant to be best friends :)
We can't change what tomorrow brings by Gods grace we are forgiven and made white as snow for yesterdays mistakes. I know how to love. I know how to forgive. But i dont want to forget what and who made me who i was and who i am today. Gods blessed and i resolve to give him everything i have.
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