Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Free 03/07

I stand under the hot water and watch it ricochet off my body and onto the shower walls
It feels so weird to be standing here
Standing in this steam filled room, 
Standing naked feeling the heat dance upon the flesh of my being
I gather that it's the feeling of total freedom
I gather its the feeling of ultimate cleansing
I gather, it's the way i'm suppose to feel
Most of the time i have no clue what it feels like as i stand in that basin we all call a tub
Within my heart something is ticking just a little bit faster
I know now that my pulse is racing but why?
Thats my constant question...Why?
Why do i love this heat ripping at my flesh?
Why do i stand here and let the burn seep through my skin and into my heart?
Why do i stand here crying?
My body has been so broken down, that all i do is cry,
I cry because I know i can't have what i want and the water hides it!
I cry because the water is so hot that it's burning my skin
I cry because i'm standing here being torn apart by this shower that i ritually take everyday.
I cry because now i know that there's something missing. 
Something so extravagant so amazing, that i want the burn so i can feel something.
So i stand here naked, burning, crying and free because this is the only time in my day where i can show off me! 
But thats not all...there's more to it
Thats what i'm afraid of.
I'm afraid of people seeing me
I'm afraid that people won't like me for who i am,
I'm afraid of letting my heart get involved...
Yet i know that once i step out of this basin, i have to pretend
I have to change my smile so people don't suspect.
I have to hide the hurt i've endured. 
I have to hide my soul so that i can contain the true parts of me
But the time has come...time to end my freedom
Time to let go of this truth and put on a front
Whilst i stand here in this shower for just a minute more
I tense up my body, i hold back my tears
and i step back into the reality i live in.
And suddenly I'm not free

No comments:

Post a Comment