I'm not perfect!

I have sat down and thought long and hard about the last few months. The things that I've done that i'm not proud of; the people that I've hurt in my past. The people that I've hurt now in the present and this is the only thing i can come up with. So please read all of this before you jump to conclusions on who i write about or am writing about because this is solely about me.

I am not perfect. By no stretch of the imagination do i know everything. I don't even want to know everything. I don't say the right things. I don't do the right things. I make hasty decisions and I have some deep rooted anger issues from emotional scars. I have hurt every single person I care about. In one way or another they may not know it but I have. There are so many things in my life and on my plate right now that my focus is to get a way for just a little while so that I can become a more respectful; honest; honorable person. Many thing that joining the military means that I'm running away from everything in my life that I cant handle. In some ways that is true. But in the process of joining the military and I have found a love for life that is so exquisite that I don't want to do anything but soar. I am pushing my body and my mind to the limit. I am broadening my horizons by doing something that I dreamed of when I was a child. I used to think that because I'm adopted that I would end up a crack whore just like my biological mother. Yes, to you that may sound harsh but thats what she was. I've run from hard situations. I've sabotaged good relationships. I've broken many many hearts. I'm not proud of that. I've sacrificed more of me to gain the approval of others and in return it was like making a deal with the devil. You may not like me. You may not even know who I am. You may think that i'm the most obnoxious person you've ever heard or read about. Thats fine. I can't be anyone but Netty. This is my life to live. It's not the life that everyone around me should be running and gossiping about what i'm doing. If you are so concerned with my life maybe it's a deep rooted hurt thats in you that you get a kick out of trying to make my life a living hell. I've walked through hell many times. And by the grace of God I've found my way out. But only through God did i do that. So for the people that think that I am nothing. Thats fine. because i'm a somebody to God. And the day that you realize that your life should not revolve around my life is a day that you can start seeing the light. There are so many good men that have come into my life that I have broken. Not because i didn't like them...but because I was afraid of myself. I was afraid of getting my heart broke. I was afraid of what it would feel like to love. I know how to love. But i don't know how to accept love. So all of you that think that Karma is gonna come and get me...thats ok. The story is written but the journey is traveled  I'm travelling down this road with God beside me. I may stray I may get lost in the woods. Yet, somehow I find my way back to the road. If you have a problem with me. I'm sorry but those issues are between you and God. All i know is that my salvation isn't worth your drama. Do me a favor. I'm gonna be praying for all of you. but pray for me. Pray for yourselves and seek God. My little old average life is nothing without God. And you should all be focusing on your own life...instead of focusing on the situation at hand.
Find you a good woman or man and hold onto them. Whatever problems FIX THEM. Listen. Communicate. I had a good man once. And I broke the trust and shattered his heart because i wouldn't listen and i didn't know how to communicate. So if they are a good person....hold on to them. because we never know what tomorrow brings and today may be all we have.

I'm done for now. Be blessed. Keep ya heads up!